Jokes
What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
"Can you smell carrots?"
I went into the library and asked the librarian for a book on turtles. "Hard back?" he asked. "Yeah, with little heads."
I was in a job interview the other day and the interviewer asked me what my greatest weakness was.
I said, "well, more often than not I'll interpret the semantics of a question rather than the pragmatics."
She was intrigued. "Oh," she replied, "could you give me an example?"
And I said, "yes".
Anecdotally an old Soviet joke:
What did one potato say to the other potato?
Nothing, don't be ridiculous, nobody has two potatoes.
A man buys his wife an elephant for their room. She thanks him, and he says, "don't mention it."
A Roman walks into a bar with his friends, holds up two fingers, and says, "5 beers please."
Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? Really awful. The only thing left was de brie.
How long does it take to grow a Christmas tree?
No point worrying about that, you should live for the present.
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue.
Did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Reece...
(Witherspoon?)
No, with a knife
Me: Doctor, help me, I was bitten by a wolf!
Doctor: Where??
Me: No, normal.
What did the cheese say to its therapist?
I camembert it any longer.