Jokes

18 June 2023

18th June 2023

The following taken from the comments section on John Green's video, My Two Favorite Jokes.

I went into the library and asked the librarian for a book on turtles. "Hard back?" he asked. "Yeah, with little heads."

I was in a job interview the other day and the interviewer asked me what my greatest weakness was.

I said, "well, more often than not I'll interpret the semantics of a question rather than the pragmatics."

She was intrigued. "Oh," she replied, "could you give me an example?"

And I said, "yes".

Anecdotally an old Soviet joke:

What did one potato say to the other potato?

Nothing, don't be ridiculous, nobody has two potatoes.

A man buys his wife an elephant for their room. She thanks him, and he says, "don't mention it."

A Roman walks into a bar with his friends, holds up two fingers, and says, "5 beers please."

19th June 2023

YouTube wouldn't allow me to watch a John Green video about silly jokes without serving me up a Hank Green video about silly jokes.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? Really awful. The only thing left was de brie.

And another one.

How do you think they work out how much whales weigh? At the whale weigh station.

How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue.

13th July 2023

Did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Reece...

(Witherspoon?)

No, with a knife

Immediate credit to my partner, not sure of the original source

Me: Doctor, help me, I was bitten by a wolf!

Doctor: Where??

Me: No, normal.

Why didn't the dinosaur go in the lift? It was a stairgosaurus.